As this is the day before the New Year arrives, you would expect that today’s column would focus on some aspect of New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. Perhaps you still participate in some of those traditions today. If you are from back in the day, you are familiar with many things associated with this time of the year.
Some of you will participate in Watch Night Services because you feel it is important to be in church when the New Year arrives; a number of you will have collard greens with hog jowls on your dinner table tomorrow; others may have black-eyed peas on the stove cooking along with wrinkled steaks or what we know as chitterlings, as our parents believed these dishes and practices were indicators of good luck for the New Year.
Some of you will embrace the beliefs of our ancestors and have money in your pocket, all bills paid and all laundry washed and ironed. A few of you will not forget the belief of our ancestors that a man should be the first to enter your home on New Year’s Day. They were certain that these practices were required to start the New Year properly.
Today, I am departing from my practice, in previous years, of focusing on some aspect of a New Year and will instead encourage you to make a commitment or a pledge or what may be a resolution for 2018.
Without a doubt, 2017 was a particularly difficult year due to many challenges. It has been particularly difficult because of the number of people who were close to me and who are no longer here as we enter 2018. From June through September of 2017, I said goodbye to family members, loved ones and friends. During this period, I experienced the loss of 12 people with whom I was close: the passing of my sister-in-law, my best friend of over 50 years, a dear friend and church member and several college classmates.
While remembering those loved ones who passed will be on my mind as this year ends and the New Year begins, I realize that life goes on. Moving on without those who are important to you, those who have been in your life, can be a bit less difficult if you have fond memories of them that you can resurrect.
So, I encourage all of you to reach back to the New Year tradition of making resolutions. But, rather than making one of those resolutions that are typically broken before March, let me suggest that you resolve to start 2018 with a focus on resurrecting and maintaining relationships that typically result in warm and fond memories; relationships that you can fall back on when you are experiencing the dark hours that I have experienced this year; the kind of relationships that were routinely developed and nourished, back in the day.
I have written columns in the past that focused on the theme of friendship. In those columns, I pointed out that in our youth, we take friendships for granted. During those years, you could count on relatives and friends to be present in your life; to be present, available and willing to be of assistance during good times and bad times.
Take a moment to go back in time and resurrect those who were true friends. While it may have been many years ago, you still remember them. Many of us had a relationship with a family member who was our favorite aunt or uncle. These were relatives who visited your home and always gave you a big hug, showered you with gifts or put a quarter or two in your pocket. Most of us had a relationship with someone who was referred to as our “main man” or “main sister.”
For a number of us, these relationships were developed during our days while playing in the neighborhood streets or playgrounds. For others, it was a relationship from our school days. Some of you can relate to this as you have friendships today that started in elementary school. For many of you, the relationship has endured over the years, during the good times as well as the bad times. You may have been in their high school or college graduating class. You may have been in your friend’s wedding. You may have ended up being “road buddies.” You were the one who was called on to assist your friend in moving; to serve as a godmother or godfather; to console your friend in times of grief.
Most of us had at least one dependable friend; a friend who would do almost anything for you. They would even come to your aid without being asked. These were people with whom we cultivated a friendship with the fundamental belief that to have a friend one must be a friend.
Any reflection on this subject can only take you back to our neighborhoods of the past. Is the little boy or girl in the 1956 picture, under the fire hydrant, someone with whom you talk regularly today? Do you still visit or associate with the boys and girls who attended your 10th birthday party? Are your poker partners today the individuals with whom you played half ball in the past? Are those against whom you waged a snowball fight the same ones you share dinner with at a favorite restaurant or club on a Friday evening? Do you still hang around with the little boys and girls with whom you had such fun times at Woodside Park in the summer? When you sit down to watch this weekend’s football games, are those with whom you played “Hide and Go Seek” or “Dumb School” your viewing partners? Is Little Johnny who was viewed as being “slow” in junior high school the same Johnny who developed into an outstanding attorney? Did you marry the young lady who sat in front of you in your sixth-grade class? Did Bobby, who helped you build your first go-cart, serve as the best man at your wedding?
You recall that we spent a great deal of time in the neighborhoods. We stayed in the neighborhoods because few people had cars. Thus, our close friendships were born in our neighborhoods; those places that were the center of our lives. Those interactions in our neighborhoods, back in the day, clearly resulted in special friendships that have been long lasting.
As you got older, these were the same people you called on when you were out and your automobile broke down. They were the ones by your side when you needed to move a large piece of furniture from your bedroom to the basement. Or perhaps you overspent your budget and were stuck at a restaurant with no means to pay the bill. So you made that call to the one person you knew would produce results. I know that many of you have gone down this road in the past and your so-called reliable, considerate friend lets you know there is a fee for his or her services. We did for one another based on relationships and not because of compensation; not even based on a quid quo pro understanding. But this is just the way things were, back in the day.
Many of the things cited above have been included in previous columns. I become emotional when I reflect on the things I did in the past with regard to enjoying and cultivating past friendships. Without question, the value of friendships becomes dearer to us during times of need. My recent visits to hospitals and the increasing number of funeral services that I attend make this clear and give greater meaning to friendships.
In friendships there are many lessons. We learn that in order to have a friend, one must be a friend. We recognize that talking with a friend is just like thinking out loud. Furthermore, it becomes apparent that God gives us our relatives but we choose our friends. Finally, a brother or sister may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother or sister. For those of us who grew up back in the day, we understand the value of friendships and how friendships have shaped us and sustained us in our twilight years.
Thankfully, we learned at very young ages the importance of developing, building and nurturing friendships. For those of you who did not have the benefit of developing close and lasting relationships as many of us did in the past, you may want to backtrack and try to make up lost ground. If you do not, in time you will recognize that it is difficult for your lives to be richer and fuller if there are limited or no close friendships such as those that many of us established, back in the day.
So, as we enter the New Year, if you do not go back to some of our traditional New Year’s traditions, commit yourself to calling on those who once were your special friends. Think about the words of this column and do not find yourself in the position where you long for old friends when they are gone. Enjoy your family members, your loved ones and your friends while you can. Let 2018 be the year that you revive those warm and meaningful relationships that you can count on and enjoy in the future; the relationships you once enjoyed and treasured, back in the day.
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